Married to Widower

I’m sitting in the church, waiting for the evening mass to start. The talks I had with mom few hours before won’t slip out of my head. He asked my comment for her friend, which is unhappy with the fact that her daughter is dating a widower.

“He has two kid. And he also live in different city!” my mom said. From her voice and gestures, I can sense some anxiety in her. Although she does not said explicitly, I know that she would also disagree if it happened to her daughter.

The mass has entered to the Liturgy of Word as I continue to think about it. Is there something wrong if you are marrying a widow or widower with kids? What would the religion said? As we get into a reading from Gospel, I recalled that Catholicism forbid a second marriage. A Catholic marriage is once in a lifetime, and only once. But since the widower was not married in Catholic, he is not bind by this rule.

What would be the social consequence by having a spouse or son/daughter in law, who were married before? “People will think that you are so bad, ugly, that you nobody single would want to marry you”, my mom said what her friend told her. I’m also sure that she also share her friend’s thought. In the old days, somehow people treat it like a sin if you married a widow/widower. But in these day, people might be more open, or just don’t care if you married a single or divorced. Except maybe for friends of their parents, being raised with the antique mindset.

We were given a blessing at the end of the Mass, and I drove my car home. On the road, I started thinking: “What would I do if it is my daughter? Will I give my blessing?”. Given my circle of friends – I have 2 friends dating a widow – I won’t let the widow/single status to cloud my judgment for the spouse of my kids. A great man, or woman, will still be a great person regardless of the status. Great person also made mistake sometime.

I retired to my sleep with a little prayer: “Bless my friend, may You give her what is the best according to You. And also bless me in the future, should I face the same condition” – Amen….


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