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Don’t know what to say now
Don’t know where to start
I don’t know how to handle
A complicated heart

A trip to Bandung is always emotionally draining. Too many stories has happened, too many memories left to be remembered each time I drive in and out of the city.

Its all started in October 1999. Just few days after I graduated, I started dating a girl who were studying in Bandung. We had a long distance relationship. Almost every month she will come to Jakarta, to visit her parents and me. Every 3 months, I will go to Bandung, and spent few days. We explored the city, and made memories to more pristine Bandung in the early 2000s.

You tell me you are leaving
But I just have to say
Before you throw it all away

She graduated in 2004, and move back to Jakarta with her parents. And then everything started to changes. Probably our romantic relationship works better as a long distance relationship. So that we treasure the time that we have together. When we live in the same city, we value our time less, and get ourself busy with our own stuff. It is clear the the relationship started to break apart once we live in the same city.

And it all culminated in May 2005, when she told me that she wanted to break up and end the relationship. I didn’t argue anything, because deep inside, I know it was the right thing to do. Even today I still think that it was the right thing to do. The relationship had no future.

Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you’re coming home
And if you need someone to ease the pain
You can lean on me, my love will still remain

The lyrics above from Michael Learns to Rock’s Complicated Heart is exactly the things that I would like to tell her when we broke up, and even today when we finally had a chance to chat. It was her mother’s memorial service, who passed away 2 days ago. It wasn’t love as a lover that I would like to offer, but a love as a friend, a shoulder to cry on, and help to ease the pain.

Those words are still left unspoken. As I drove alone back to Jakarta, I think there are words that are better left unspoken. Maybe, someday in the future, when I met her in a better time, and in a right situation.

Hari Minggu, 6 Maret 2011, adalah minggu terakhir sebelum Masa Prapaskah. Biasanya, Pastor membacakan Surat Gembala dari Uskup sebagai pengganti khotbah. “Saya yakin, anda semua bisa membaca sendiri Surat gembakal pada lembaran yang sudah dibagikan di pintu masuk Gereja”, Pastor membuka khotbah. Setelah itu beliau melanjutkan dengan khotbah mengenai pendidikan, yang diakhiri dengan pernyataan bahwa sebuah sekolah (yang mungkin diwakili Pastor tersebut) memiliki sistem pendidikan yang terbaik

Saya baru saja mendengar Pastor mengganti khotbah di Gereja dengan sebuah iklan!

“Ini bukan pertama kali”, komentar ibu saya, pengunjung tetap Gereja tersebut. “Beberapa bulan yang lalu khotbah mengenai sebuah buku, lengkap dengan ulasan isi dan biografi pengarang”

Saya tersenyum pahit. Alkitab jelas mencatat bahwa Yesus mengobrak-abrik lapak orang yang berjualan di Bait Allah. Memang, Pastor kami tidak menjual barang secara fisik di dalam Gereja. Tapi, dengan mengganti khotbah dengan iklan, bukankah sama saja?

Lagipula, saya tidak datang ke Gereja, ke Perayaan Ekaristi mingguan untuk mendengarkan iklan. Kalau memang mencari iklan, cukup dengan menyalakan TV. Iklan yang bisa dilihat jauh lebih menarik, tanpa perlu susah payah bangun pagi dan keluar rumah.

Atau, coba bayangkan skenario ini: Dalam sebuah rapat mingguan di kantor, atasan anda berkata: “Kalian semua bisa baca apa yang akan saya sampaikan di email yang saya kirimkan sebelum rapat.” Dan kemudian atasan anda mulai melakukan promosi buku yang baru dia tulis, atau bisnis MLM yang baru dia jalankan. Oh, semoga Pastor di Gereja tidak tergoda untuk mulai melakukan promosi MLM.

Pada dasarnya, saya tidak keberatan dengan iklan apapun di Gereja, baik itu mengenai buku baru, atau tentang sebuah sekolah. Tapi, ada tempat dan waktu dimana iklan itu dipasang. Di Gereja ada papan pengumuman. Selebaran bisa dibagikan di tempat parkir. Tapi, ketika iklan dilakukan didalam Ibadat, saya rasa itu sudah tidak pantas!

I just turn down a beggar tonight. An old man, who moved inch by inch in each step.

Not my intention to be rude and heartless. It just that my mind is flying somewhere, and when a dark shadow shows up on my window, I, by reflex,  waived my hand. Then I saw him moving away, inch by inch, step by step. Guilty feeling then creep in.

Clearing the traffic light, my mind wander to tomorrow’s election for Indonesia new president. I wish that the new president would do great thing, so that no old man stranded on the road, live from mercy of passerby, while he enjoy the comfort of his Mercedes S Class, free from traffic jam, thanks to the escort.

I wish that no teenager with only one leg, sitting next to the intersection of the famous Menteng area, wishing that car and motorcycle stop for the traffic light will spare some of their fortune, while the president enjoy the comfort of air conditioned office, paid by the taxpayer.

I wish that no boy, under heavy rain at 10:30pm, hopping from car to car, selling the evening newspaper, which might be worthless in a few hour.  I wish that he can go to school, so that when someday he become the next president, he will do better than the current president.

A lame wishful thinking? I have a good faith for the country, and hopefully take part to make it true by casting my vote tomorrow……

“THIS SATURDAY 28 MARCH AT 8.30PM YOU CAN VOTE EARTH BY SWITCHING OFF YOUR LIGHTS FOR ONE HOUR – EARTH HOUR.” – http://www.earthhour.org/home/

Do we really helping the earth, by turning off the light for 1 hour?

Are we really generating things that cause global warming, by consuming electricity? Or is it the power plant that is producing waste that cause global warming?

True that, because we crave for more power, people start building more and more power plant that produce more and more waste that cause global warming.

So by turning off light for 1 hour, we will reduce demand for electricity. But do they shutdown the power plant for 1 hour? I bet, no power plant shut down during earth hour. So, it is not less waste, but only excess capacity in electricity.

I’m sorry, but I opt out from earth hour…..

I’ve been bombarded with the following marketing text message by my operator: “Uncover your fate through weekly face reading. Send SMS to XXXX to activate service”. Read it once again, did you find something strange in the message?

How come someone read your face through voice call, let alone text message!

OK, I thought, maybe technology has advanced so much that you can take a self-picture, send MMS to the operator to get your face read – regularly! Then you need to take a weekly self-portrait, send MMS to the operator to get your face read. Maybe there are new wrinkles… maybe….

Oh well, if anyone has ever tried the service (or palm reading service), I would love to hear their comment…..

All this unimportant intellectual rambling for today started by Venny in her post. Was thinking to put my new title behind my name. Cool? Read on 😀

Coincidentally, one of the radio broadcaster tonight also talked about title, congratulating his friend for a new master degree, and close it with a question: Does your salary adjusted to your new title? A very good question…..

So, maybe title won’t get you a pay rise, but might get you a very rich in-laws… or do the opposite, keep you single for quite a while. Is it? At least, in our observation tonight, most of those who major in engineering usually married latter than those major in other fields. We can think of 4 engineering person straight who yet to be married, and have to think hard to find 4 non engineering degree at our age who are still single.

Need more prove? She said that, among her high school’s female friend, only the engineering one that haven’t married. Well, start checking on your friend and see if it is true :D.

If title and marriage are so closely related, is it possible that the title itself contains some kind of prophecy? Let see (ask someone who understand Bahasa to translate for you):

  • Scal ST –> Scal Single Tau
  • Scal ST MM –> Scal Single Tapi Mau Menikah
  • Scal ST MM –> Scal Single Tampan Mencari Model

OK, I’ll stop before people start throwing rotten tomato and egg to this blog. But seems that the theory fit in. Then, if the title has some kind of prophecy about marriage, why don’t they put something more straightforward in name card? Think of it, if people will put ST MM behind their name, why don’t they put “single, 30” in the same card? Who knows that the people who got your card happen to know someone a match for you?

Hmmm…. Scal, Single, 30? Not so cool anymore….

PS: Being someone with engineering degree, I would say that most of us are looking for “the one”, instead of “the only one”. Read this post from my friend 😀

“Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong”

Less than 48 hours of our deadline with 2 approval needed. One is running away, one should work from other town, and the last one is hospitalized.

What a perfect example of Murphy’s Law…..